Thursday, December 26, 2013

The Strawman Dialogues - a Late Christmas Special

A: Merry Christmas!
B: Yeah, I don't celebrate that.
A: Too bad! Anyway, how's it...
B: Well, then you shouldn't have said it.
A: Why not?
B: Because maybe I'd find it offensive? Not everyone celebrates Christmas.
A: What a load of horseshit.
B: I'm sorry?
A: You don't find it offensive because you don't celebrate it. You find it offensive because one of the most secular holidays of the year still maintains some rudimentary Christian taint, and thus you act up about it. It's either absurd offense, or it's feigned offense. And I'm tired of it.
B: You're not a mind-reader, don't tell me what I think.
A: I'm not a mind-reader. But I can notice clues, and piece together your aim. It ain't perfect, but it'll do here.
B: Well, all the same, I'd prefer it if you...
A: No. Fuck you. Merry Christmas.
B: Oh, really keeping in the spirit of the...
A: Of what? The season you've declared one-man psychological war on? I'm tired of the most easily offended person in the room dictating terms. This isn't a war for Christmas. It's a war against you, the perpetually aggrieved.
B: You're weaponizing Christmas?
A: You weaponized it. I'm just refusing to disarm myself now that you've made that inane move.

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