Sunday, June 7, 2015

The Transubstantiation of Bruce Jenner

So we can all agree that what happened with Bruce Jenner is a secular version of Transubstantiation, right?

I mean, he was - is - clearly a guy. Genetically, physically - on pretty much any 'objective' measure we have, we were/are dealing with an entirely, thoroughly male specimen.

But then, something happened. He went from Bruce to Caitlyn, and now he's not just 'Caitlyn', but a woman. He is, literally, female. Or so the story goes.

So we can, I suppose, admit that this is a case of secular transubstantiation. Right?

See, I know that the bread and wine becomes body and blood. I've heard before, that's bullshit because... well, look at it. Run a DNA test on it. Still bread. Still wine. And that, skeptics told me, was proof positive that the entire thing was, in fact, bread and wine after the fact.

Now, of course, I believe it's no longer bread and wine. But I believe that because it's what God said, what the Church teaches, and - by the way - it's also a goddamn miracle. That last part is key. See, if there was no miracle involved, if it was all symbolic, then there'd be no change to speak of. No real one, anyway. 'Yep, that's still bread, still wine. Just, you know, we're going to pretend otherwise for now. Ceremonial reasons.'

And you need a miracle to make that change.

So, may I ask where the miracle took place with Bruce Jenner?

Was it when he said 'I am a woman now'? Did that do the trick, switching him on the spot from male to female? If tomorrow he says 'I'm male again', will he become male at that point?

Maybe it's a bit more quantum-physical than that. Like, when Bruce says 'I'm a female now', then boom - all of the sudden history itself is reordered in some kind of retrocausal way, making not just the current Bruce, but all of Bruce's history into a female one.

I've got so many more questions. If Bruce says that he's a duck tomorrow, is he a duck? Can he suddenly turn black? Hispanic? Can he become a unicorn?

Someone, please, inform me of just how this magic works - or, lacking that, the holy book where God Almighty (or some cheap practical equivalent) described the miracle of Bruce Jenner.

Because a miracle is what's needed.

11 comments:

B. Prokop said...

This says is all.

malcolmthecynic said...

I actually started laughing. Well played!

Son of Ya'Kov said...

This is comedy gold.

jamesparliament.com said...

"...it's also a goddamn miracle."

I think the fact that they cannot answer the questions you pose about race or changing species shows that this whole thing will collapse under its own weight. It's a near-complete media snowjob, but the real life people I talk to aren't buying it.

Not that the collapse shouldn't be encouraged.

Syllabus said...

I had an extended exchange with someone on FB on this issue - well, not that of Jenner specifically, but of transgender people in general - basically pursuing the line of questioning of "well, OK, transgender people say they're really the opposite gender that their sex indicates, how do you draw a principled distinction between that and people who say they feel disabled or that they're wolves or whatever".

It went from "what you think you are in your head matters more to who you are than what your biology says" to "well, the distinction between saying that transgender people are the gender they think they are and Otherkin saying they're wolves or what have you is that a woman/man is a sensible thing to think you are". Which is weird on a number of different levels. Who decides what's "sensible" or not - you, me, the AMA, who? It's a bit of a rabbit-hole that I think most people are sort of afraid to take to its logical conclusion, because they aren't able - and I don't think it's possible - to make a principled distinction that doesn't also let people like apotemnophiliacs be normal, sane members of society.



Also, just for fun, there are some folks with a Change.org petition going on claiming that, since Jenner claims to have always known he was a woman, he should be stripped of his medal in the male Olympic category. Quality-level trolling, that.

GoldRush Apple said...

What confuses me is that he says he isn't gay - that he very much likes women - yet he's "comes out" as a woman.

I can hear it now. "You know, enough with labels on sexuality and gender!"

I dunno. Maybe I'm just stupid beyond belief to understand it.

Crude said...

Also, just for fun, there are some folks with a Change.org petition going on claiming that, since Jenner claims to have always known he was a woman, he should be stripped of his medal in the male Olympic category.

Oh, I have a better idea. Just change all of his records from male to female.

I am entirely willing to let transexuals join MMA as well. All you have to do is say you're a woman, and you can play in the female leagues now, I say.

Syllabus said...

I am entirely willing to let transexuals join MMA as well. All you have to do is say you're a woman, and you can play in the female leagues now, I say.

Don't be ridiculous. That'd never happen

Crude said...

That's part of the inspiration for my position.

Let 'em all play, I say. How hilarious will it be when we find out that the best female athletes in the world are all men?

B. Prokop said...

Just when you thought everything possible had been said about this story, THIS comes along.

But we all know already that this question will be shouted down by the overseers of cultural correctness.

B. Prokop said...

It certainly did not take long for my above prediction to be fulfilled! Read THIS to see how.

Amazing, absolutely amazing. Opponents of same sex "marriage" are accused of being racists, while the very same people making such accusations deny any connection between race and transgender.

Oh, the hypocrisy! It's OK when they see a connection (which, by the way, is not there), but if the same argument is used against them... they cry foul!