Friday, May 6, 2016

The Strawman Dialogues: High Energy Edition

A: Any particular reason there's one of those obnoxious rainbow flags flying outside the church today?
B: Oh, I'm glad you asked. The priest decided to engage in some LGBT outreach today! Isn't that great!
A: Sure, of course.
B: I knew you'd react like... wait, what?
A: I said sure. Whatever. Rainbow flag, wow. Community, love, et cetera.
B: I... expected a different reaction from you.
A: Well I can't say I'm surprised, since the new priest is, shall we say...
B: Loving and caring?
A: Tremendously gay.
B: Typical.
A: So anyway, I've seen this day coming.
B: That doesn't explain why you're taking it so well.
A: Well, I suppose it's due to a change in philosophy.
B: Wow. Really?
A: Yeah. What's Francis say? Yada yada, the church is for sinners, it's a field hospital and so on.
B: I'm not sure I'd call the LGBTQ community sinners, but that's progress for you.
A: Yup. I think he's right.
B: Fantastic!
A: Which is why I decided to invite some sinners of my own.
B: That's great! What community did you decide to WHY ARE THOSE MEN WEARING MAGA HATS!?
Group of C: YEAAAAH! LET'S MAKE CHURCH GREAT AGAIN!
A: Hey! You guys showed up!
B: OH MY GOD NO.
C 1: WOO! This is an AWESOME CHURCH.
C 2: HIGH ENERGY COLORED GLASS
C 3: WE'RE GONNA SAY MERRY CHRISTMAS AGAIN!
B: WHY ARE THEY HERE.
A: Well, I told some of the Alt Right guys I hang out with that our bible study has free pizza...
B: NO.
A: And one of them asked if it was a BYOB thing, and I admit I never thought about it...
B: NO NO NO.
A: It's cool, they're sinners. Trust me on this.
B: THEY ARE OFFENSIVE, ROTTEN, INSULTING...
A: Hey, field hospital, right?
B: THEY ARE UNREPENTANT SINNERS.
A: Yup. So's the confused person in the Cher outfit and the goatee that puts mine to shame.
D: Excuse me, I'm Lena Dunham.
A: That explains the gut.
B: THIS IS A PLACE OF LOVE, THERE'S NO PLACE FOR..
A: What, wounded? At least these guys are Christian.
C 1: TOTALLY into the Christ child.
C 2: LOVE his story. HIGH ENERGY DEITY.
A: Admittedly, their theology needs some work...
C 3: AWESOME how he stood up to Shere Khan
A: ...We'll get to it.
B: There's NO place in the church for...
A: What, lowbrows? Loudmouths? Rude people? You just marched a pride parade in here.
B: THAT is DIFFERENT. THEY ARE...
A: Unless the next your word out of your mouth is 'repentant', it means nothing.
B: I don't want to be part of ANY community where they're welcome!
A: Wrong kind of good samaritans? We're not a field hospital for THOSE sick people?
B; ...
A: You can tell a lot about a Christian by the kinds of sinners they prioritize, eh? Wages of a decaying culture. Now we both have our preferred wayward souls to minister to.

4 comments:

B. Prokop said...

Crude, every now and then, you hit one out of the park - brilliant!

Codgitator (Cadgertator) said...

Love it! MAGA, baby, MAGA.

Vox Maximus said...

Crude,

Just have to say that I love your Strawman Dialogues (and so long as imitation is the best form of flattery, I admit that I copied half your title and am combining it with an old 'dialogue' format that I used to blog with over at a new blog that I am finally settling into for the long haul).

Anyway, please do more of them if you can. They are great.

Maximus
www.voxmaximus.blogspot.com

Crude said...

Thanks, gents. Glad it entertains.

And will do, VM - it's fun at times. And by all means, go for it! I'll check it out later.